I was going to wait till later to post, but what else am I doing ? Shawn started his new job today with the army, and I am so excited that he is working during the day. It still kind of sucks that he has to work his other job too for the next week or 2, meaning he leaves before I even wake up, and is back when it's almost bed time, but in the long run it will all be okay. Yesterday a friend at my old job at a grocery store said that he can talk to the manager (a different manager from when I was there) about me getting my job back. I know that with his new job, I really don't need a job, but after explaining why I need this, Shawn had no arguement.
With his deployment less then a year away, I don't want to be one of those army wives that wait until deployment is a short time away, and then panic and think about how I am going to hold myself together. If I can get this job back, then I can make it part of my routine. By the time he deploys, working will be apart of what I do, and it will help with my coping with him leaving. I refuse to be in the house going stir-crazy (I already do that and he hasn't gone anywhere!).
I know this might sound strange to some, but I honestly loved working at the supermarket. It was my speed, I knew what I was doing, and when I left, I was in line to be trained to run the front end. I remember when I left in January 2009, I couldn't wait to get back to work after having Aubrey. I worked past my due date (Aubrey was 5 days late). Then after having her, then 2 months later finding out Gizelle was deaf, I knew I wasn't going to work anytime soon. Now that everything is stable (for the most part) I am ready! I still remember my cashier password (which I will need a new one anyway) I still have my work shirt, I still have my badge, I still know most of the codes, I am so ready for it.
The manager said that I can have my job back, and I just need to fill out the application again! It was funny filling it out. I got to the question where it asked if I am viewed as more of a friendly person or a serious person. Gizelle ran over to me and placed a headband with wiggly shamrock atteneas on my head. I thought, well I can't be a serious person looking like this. I don't believe it's been 2 years since I have worked. but being a mom is a fulltime job.
Gizelle, has been crazy today (like usual). Her Titi Sandy bought her a cinderella outfit, a purse, makeup, a tiara, and heels this weekend while she was with her dad. She brought ALL of it to school today. I think her school is just used to Gizelle coming to school with a tiara on her head anymore. There is no talking Gizelle out of it. Everytime her dad buys her anything, she MUST wear it, and MUST tell EVERYONE that daddy bought me this. She is so proud. It is kind of cute. After all, she is the deaf diva.
Aubrey has been begging me to go to school. I think I want to look into daycares for her. I know that she is "advanced" so I want to make sure she goes somewhere that is both safe and is "on her level". Aubrey was counting to 15 since she was 1 and a half. She can tell you every color, the recognizes every letter and number, she knows that she thinks with her brain and breathes with her lungs. She is wonderful. She makes me wonder, how different would Gizelle have been if she wasn't deaf? It's like a tootsie pop, the world may never know. I try not to ask myself these questions anymore. I don't think it makes me sad anymore, but I just try to tell myself that you can't change it.
When you are pregnant, you don't get to choose how your child will come out. She could have been blind, had autism, had a heart condition, had mental disabilities, it could have been anything in the world. God gave me a beautiful brilliant divalicious deaf baby girl. It took a little bit to cope with it, to understand it, to learn about it, (which I am still doing ALL of those). But here I am. I am proud of what I have. I tell myself everyday, thankfully I gave birth to her, and not somebody that couldn't do it. I couldn't imagine anyone else to live my life for me. God only gives you what he knows you can handle. Though my life is crazy, it is mine, and I wouldn't change it for the world.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
If you're happy and your know it, Blog [Gizelle-less, yet Aubrey-ful]
So yesterday, Saturday, was the practice game for the Parents vs. PSD Staff Basketball game. Gizelles dad is playing. I thought about it, but I haven't play ball since I was probably 8, and I am way more than out of shape, plus G likes playing ball. I took Gizelle to watch him practice, and we sat with his girlfriend, Kristie, and watched. No more them 10 minutes into it, the word "exhausted" could have been stamped on his forehead. Gizelle was grumpy anyway because she wanted to spend time with him, and sitting on the side line watching him play a game that didn't include her just wasn't cutting it. G held up for another hour then he said he needed to go home and eat. He took Gizelle with him, and I headed home alone.
Shawn came home from drill later on, and we ran out to do a few errands. He has been craving sloppy joes for a while, and I am all for dinner short cuts, so a can of manwich and some ground beef was perfectly okay with me! We were all exhausted and went to bed early. I felt bad for Shawn, since Aubrey discovered how hilarious it is to wait till daddy is almost asleep then rub her nose between his ribs. She is such a character. It's always weird waking up and not hearing Gizelle making all of her loud yells. My first reaction is "she is either doing something totally bad, or she is being extremely good". Then it takes me a second to remember that her dad took her for the night. I wish that he could take her more often. I know he would if he could, sometimes things just don't work out the way we want.
I can't believe tomorrow is Monday already. Shawn is starting his new job tomorrow which I am overjoyed about. Finally, he will be working "normal" hours and will be home by dinnner time. It's better then working where he was working. Now we are looking into getting Aubrey into daycare, with Aubrey is so excited about. She tells me EVERY day "I want to go to school mom!!" I can go back to work. I really miss working. I am not a fan of staying cooped up in the house and watching other people make money and leave. There are actually some days where I don't see the actually sun light other then from the window. I smell a whole new me. A whole new life. A whole new game plan. A whole new "happy".
I try to do as much good as I can. Donating money/items. Helping everyone that asks for help. Making people smile. Listening to them cry or vent. Rescuing animals. I have done alot, and I never brag about it. I just do it. I recently started wondering if my good deeds would ever pay off. There are alot of days where I say God is pointing his finger at me and laughing. When Shawn found out about his new job, and all the scattered puzzle pieces started finding their way back together, I think that was the huge flashlight at the end of the tunnel. God was just playing with the power button for a little. I swear he must have a sense of humor.
Shawn came home from drill later on, and we ran out to do a few errands. He has been craving sloppy joes for a while, and I am all for dinner short cuts, so a can of manwich and some ground beef was perfectly okay with me! We were all exhausted and went to bed early. I felt bad for Shawn, since Aubrey discovered how hilarious it is to wait till daddy is almost asleep then rub her nose between his ribs. She is such a character. It's always weird waking up and not hearing Gizelle making all of her loud yells. My first reaction is "she is either doing something totally bad, or she is being extremely good". Then it takes me a second to remember that her dad took her for the night. I wish that he could take her more often. I know he would if he could, sometimes things just don't work out the way we want.
I can't believe tomorrow is Monday already. Shawn is starting his new job tomorrow which I am overjoyed about. Finally, he will be working "normal" hours and will be home by dinnner time. It's better then working where he was working. Now we are looking into getting Aubrey into daycare, with Aubrey is so excited about. She tells me EVERY day "I want to go to school mom!!" I can go back to work. I really miss working. I am not a fan of staying cooped up in the house and watching other people make money and leave. There are actually some days where I don't see the actually sun light other then from the window. I smell a whole new me. A whole new life. A whole new game plan. A whole new "happy".
I try to do as much good as I can. Donating money/items. Helping everyone that asks for help. Making people smile. Listening to them cry or vent. Rescuing animals. I have done alot, and I never brag about it. I just do it. I recently started wondering if my good deeds would ever pay off. There are alot of days where I say God is pointing his finger at me and laughing. When Shawn found out about his new job, and all the scattered puzzle pieces started finding their way back together, I think that was the huge flashlight at the end of the tunnel. God was just playing with the power button for a little. I swear he must have a sense of humor.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
ramble ramble ramble [crazy.loving.HUNGRY.chillin like a villian]
Oh Gizelle.. how you drive me crazy. I am trying to type this, with her sitting on my lap, in front of the laptop, with her crazy hair in my face. Shawn is being awesome and making pizzas for us. Aubrey is being her usual self, dancing in front of the TV and being her happy go lucky self. The crazy dogs, Tessa and Monty, are chasing each other down. My mom is hanging out on the couch. Just another day that sounds boring, but is anything but.
I have this box of candy that I am selling so I can raise money for Gizelle, her father, and I to go on this trip with Gizelles school to the ASDC (American Society for Deaf Children) Conference in Washington D.C. in June. From what I have heard, they hold these conferences every 2 years, and some awesome deaf teachers from the school have informed me that it is an AMAZING thing to take your deaf children too. They said how it is just so informative for the all parents, and so great for the kids. I have decided we are going no matter if we raise all the money or not. I believe we have to raise about $400 more for just us three to go. I am honestly excited that Gizelles dad is coming. Sure it will be a little different with us staying in a dorm together, but we actually get along fairly well. He has been trying hard to become a bigger part of Gizelles school activities. I am proud!
This weekend is the practice game for the parents vs. staff basketball game. G is playing, and I am going to bring Gizelle to both the practice game and the real game. Gizelle and G have this amazing bond. They just click in their own special father-daughter way, even though she doesn't get to see her as much as she would like. It makes me happy.
Back to the ASDC conference, leave it to me to get sidetracked and try to recover in a blog, haha. I think I am just going to buy the box, and get a new one. Shawn can take it to drill with him and sell it to his fellow soldiers. I hope all the parents that are trying to raise money get to go! Speaking of the army, I just realized today that Shawns deployment just keeps creeping up. I always say "he is deploying in about a year". Today, I realized that, it is indeed less then that. I can't get to into it for OPSEC reasons, but I am sure you will hear me vent about it the closer it gets.
I honestly am a little excited. We have talked alot about it, and I decided I am going to be the best care package sender possible. I told him I want to try to get the other families we will deploy with on my team, and we can talk about what each soldier specifically likes, what they will miss, etc. Shawn said I should look into being an FRG leader. FRG is probably one of the few military code words I know. Family Readiness Group. I think it sounds like a pretty ideal thing for me to do, but I honestly don't know all the responsibilities of being an actual FRG leader. I need to step my game up and get my license, like ASAP. I know that its not all about the soldier as far as deployments go. WE need out support as well. I hope things go as well I plan, but HAHA that rarely happens. It would be nice to have like, a monthly thing for us to do. Bowling, Pool Halls, stuff like that.
Didn't I say my future posts wouldn't be long and crazy? whoops. I failed to mention that once I start typing, there is a chance I will ramble like drunk. Maybe thats what it is. Maybe I am just drunk off life. Sounds about right. It also explains why sometimes I wake up and feel hungover without any alcohol in my blood.
Okay, I am flagged.. until next time..!
xoxo - Katie
I have this box of candy that I am selling so I can raise money for Gizelle, her father, and I to go on this trip with Gizelles school to the ASDC (American Society for Deaf Children) Conference in Washington D.C. in June. From what I have heard, they hold these conferences every 2 years, and some awesome deaf teachers from the school have informed me that it is an AMAZING thing to take your deaf children too. They said how it is just so informative for the all parents, and so great for the kids. I have decided we are going no matter if we raise all the money or not. I believe we have to raise about $400 more for just us three to go. I am honestly excited that Gizelles dad is coming. Sure it will be a little different with us staying in a dorm together, but we actually get along fairly well. He has been trying hard to become a bigger part of Gizelles school activities. I am proud!
This weekend is the practice game for the parents vs. staff basketball game. G is playing, and I am going to bring Gizelle to both the practice game and the real game. Gizelle and G have this amazing bond. They just click in their own special father-daughter way, even though she doesn't get to see her as much as she would like. It makes me happy.
Back to the ASDC conference, leave it to me to get sidetracked and try to recover in a blog, haha. I think I am just going to buy the box, and get a new one. Shawn can take it to drill with him and sell it to his fellow soldiers. I hope all the parents that are trying to raise money get to go! Speaking of the army, I just realized today that Shawns deployment just keeps creeping up. I always say "he is deploying in about a year". Today, I realized that, it is indeed less then that. I can't get to into it for OPSEC reasons, but I am sure you will hear me vent about it the closer it gets.
I honestly am a little excited. We have talked alot about it, and I decided I am going to be the best care package sender possible. I told him I want to try to get the other families we will deploy with on my team, and we can talk about what each soldier specifically likes, what they will miss, etc. Shawn said I should look into being an FRG leader. FRG is probably one of the few military code words I know. Family Readiness Group. I think it sounds like a pretty ideal thing for me to do, but I honestly don't know all the responsibilities of being an actual FRG leader. I need to step my game up and get my license, like ASAP. I know that its not all about the soldier as far as deployments go. WE need out support as well. I hope things go as well I plan, but HAHA that rarely happens. It would be nice to have like, a monthly thing for us to do. Bowling, Pool Halls, stuff like that.
Didn't I say my future posts wouldn't be long and crazy? whoops. I failed to mention that once I start typing, there is a chance I will ramble like drunk. Maybe thats what it is. Maybe I am just drunk off life. Sounds about right. It also explains why sometimes I wake up and feel hungover without any alcohol in my blood.
Okay, I am flagged.. until next time..!
xoxo - Katie
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Thank you Nickjr.com !
SO happy. I HAD to share this. Gizelle is totally into alot of the nickjr.com games.
http://www.nickjr.com/kids-games/one-good-knight-dragon-tower.html
this game is a prince and a princess, you use your arrow keys to go up and down the ladders, and you have to cross the bridges, but the bridges have letters on them and you have to click the letter that is shown. Gizelle is learning her ABC's from this. The only part I don't like, is stage 2 its a blank like " A _ C" And the answer is B but she doesn't understand that part yet, and stage 3, there is NO letter, you have to listen to the sound of the letter and then click it. BUT if you click the wrong letter 3 times an arrow points to the right one. Either way, this game is her FAVORITE.
http://www.nickjr.com/kids-games/back-robin-hood-the-clean.html
the backyardigans. Gizelle has always loved them. We knew the dance by heart before we even knew she was deaf! this game is pretty cool. first you have to make Pablo click the wall, and it "cleans" it, and you have uncover the door, and 3 keys. I think the next level is you have to to catch the cleaning stuff (it looks like papertowels and bars of soap?) while bypassing the globs of mud. then you have to click and clean Austin as he pops out of the fountain at random spots. This is probably her 2nd favorite game.
If I can keep adding new stuff to this post I find that she likes that maybe your child will too, then I will, other wise, I will just keep making new posts =)
http://www.nickjr.com/kids-games/one-good-knight-dragon-tower.html
this game is a prince and a princess, you use your arrow keys to go up and down the ladders, and you have to cross the bridges, but the bridges have letters on them and you have to click the letter that is shown. Gizelle is learning her ABC's from this. The only part I don't like, is stage 2 its a blank like " A _ C" And the answer is B but she doesn't understand that part yet, and stage 3, there is NO letter, you have to listen to the sound of the letter and then click it. BUT if you click the wrong letter 3 times an arrow points to the right one. Either way, this game is her FAVORITE.
http://www.nickjr.com/kids-games/back-robin-hood-the-clean.html
the backyardigans. Gizelle has always loved them. We knew the dance by heart before we even knew she was deaf! this game is pretty cool. first you have to make Pablo click the wall, and it "cleans" it, and you have uncover the door, and 3 keys. I think the next level is you have to to catch the cleaning stuff (it looks like papertowels and bars of soap?) while bypassing the globs of mud. then you have to click and clean Austin as he pops out of the fountain at random spots. This is probably her 2nd favorite game.
If I can keep adding new stuff to this post I find that she likes that maybe your child will too, then I will, other wise, I will just keep making new posts =)
First Entry: Gizelle's Story [Hopeful . Curious . Experimenting]
Here I am. Post numero uno. Let me explain the star of my blog. Her name is Gizelle. She was born March 2007. It was the start of a new life. There I was, 17, a MOM. Of all things I ever pictured being at 17, a parent wasn't one of them, but when it happened, it felt.. right. Holding a little baby in my arms. Waking up crazy hours. I wasn't cranky. I was in love. I remember when she was born, they told me she might have PKU ( a rare, inherited metabolic disease that results in mental retardation). She didn't have it, but it was a HUGE scare. Then they told me she may have a click in her hip. Which, she didn't either. The last, and final scare, was when they told me she failed her first newborn hearing screening. I immediately thought "yea, right, just another thing the hospital wants to scare me about". The next day, the re-did the test, and she passed! I knew it. This hospital is crazy. I just want to take my baby home and start my new lovely life.
Life as a mother was beautiful. The only downfall, was me and her father would argue and did not see eye to eye on alot of things. I won't get to into detail, but we did splitt up in febuary 2008, a little less then a month prior to her birthday. Soon after (very soon after) I got back into a relationship with a good man that I have known since I was 8 (my first crush, at that!). We were soon married, were I got a new title as not only a wife, but an army wife. Soon after that, I was pregnant again, and gave birth to ANOTHER diva, Aubrey. I started struggling with Gizelle. She wasn't listening. I got tired of it, having a mother tuition that something isn't adding up. I took her to the pediatrician, we scheduled a hearing test. She failed. Not only did she fail, not only did they tell me that it wasn't a simple fix'er upper like some water in her ear. She was deaf. DEAF. Not even hard of hearing, she is Severe-Proufoundly deaf in both ears. Really? Her father and I cried. Heartbroken. Why? Why us? I am usually the type that says "don't dwell in the issue, just realize it is an issue, and fix it and move on" but this was my child. My disabled child. Disabled? She is able to do anything she wants. 10 fingers and toes, running, coloring, playing, breathing. What the heck??
I cried. I just had a baby is January. Now my oldest daughter is disabled. I was waiting for Ashton Kutcher to pop out and tell me I was getting Punk'd. I was waiting to hear God in a full belly chuckle telling me he had a sense of humor and was just kidding. I was waiting on.. anything. Never happened. I dont think I left the house for 2 months. I only left for doctor appointments. I was at home. Crying. Talking to my husband, Shawn. Talking to Gizelle's father, G. I blamed myself. It wasn't my fault.
Every test that could be done, was done. Blood tests? Yup, it isn't genetic. MRI's? Yup, her head is okay. EKGs? Yup, she was all fine and dandy. Hearing Aides. WOW. I remember those. The noise of "feedback" made my skin crawl. They told me she could probably BARELY hear with them. So now what? Two new words changed my life. Cochlear Implant. What is this thing? The pulled out this tiny suitcase. They opened it. It looked like a hearing aide with a tail and circle. "Oh, the circle is a magnet, the other magnet will be placed inside of her head, and will make what goes into the the microphone stimulate her nerves and tell the brain what she is hearing is SOUND". Mind=Blown. I thought, My kid is going to be like a refridgerator. A magnet? This is all super high tech stuff! It's going to make her hear? I'm in. The whole family was in. We were all scared, and nervous, but, we were in. Adventure = BEGUN. sedated for MRIs, Catscans, this test, that test, she was 2. I have never been sedated in my life. My kid was sedated 4 times in a year. I felt bad, but I was always being told it will all be better in the end.
November 17th, 2009. FINALLY. After the 8 months of preperation, surgery day arrived. G and I. In a room. Waiting. Crying. Talking. Worrying. Scared. Hugging our baby girl. I remember taking her back to the surgery area. They let me walk her back, tears flowing & all. I layed her down on the table. Signed "Mommy loves you". The doctors starting singing their ABC's to her. I got a little mad. "She Can't Hear". How many times have I said THAT in my life? Way too many to count. I just didn't think I would have to say it to surgeons that were about to perform surgery on my kid, surgery that WILL make her hear? I was confused, but it did make me stop crying for a little bit. Hours, and hours, and hours later, they said we could go see her. It wasn't the first time I seen her all limp and what seemed like lifeless. This time was different. This time she had bandages wrapped around her head. I could smell the anesthesia on her. I wanted to hug her. I wanted to pick her up. I knew it would be best if we just let her be, and wake up on her own.
After she woke up, we took her home. A month later, my baby heard for the first time. I cried. I think we all did. She did okay with hearing. There was months she HATED her Cochlear Implant. There was weeks she LOVED it. Wore it 12+ hours a day. Here I am. A year and half after Cochlear Implant activation. What have I learned? The C.I. isn't all I dreamt it up to be. It is an AMAZING peice of technology. I have seen lots of kids with them on, speaking in sentences. I never seen a kid struggle with it like Gizelle. I couldn't tell you the last time I put it on her. I ask her all the time if she wants it. She never says yes. She is 4 now. She knows she is different. She knows she is deaf. She knows mommy and alot of other people speak with thier mouths. This doesn't make her sad. She knows her C.I. makes noise, she has heard me speak. She knows what it does. She Does Not Want It. If I had a nickle for everytime somebody said "If it was my child, I would make her wear it" I would be rich. You cannot, CAN NOT, make a child wear a C.I.. They can pull it right off. They can be a real booger and not only take it off, but close their eyes, like "haha I can't hear you OR see you signing now!". Gizelle did this PLENTY of times.
Was it a waste of surgery? Not at all. I know what it was like to be a teenager, I was one when I had her! When Gizelle is old enough, she will never be able to tell me "why didn't you get me the cochlear implant so I could hear?" Because I did. I tried. I gave it my best damn shot too. She isn't happy hearing. I want a happy child. I want her to love being herself. She isn't herself when she wears it. The most she ever said was "ma-ma" and it was more of a babble then anything. I was happy, but I felt like I forced her into it. She can do whatever you want her to do with it on as far as the "hear the sound, throw the block in a basket"game. She even did fairly well with all the "ling-sound games". As soon as we walked out of therapy, the C.I. was off and she would give it right to me. I couldn't take it anymore.
As of now, she wears it when she wants to in school, never at home. Next year she will be in a ASL Only classroom. I am happy. I love my kid. No matter what. I am not going to quit on her. She is my crazy psycho little Gizelley Belly. She is my Deaf Diva. Don't like it? Your input isn't necessary. If you don't have anything nice to say, then keep your mouth shut. I am doing what I know is best for my kids.
I totally typed her whole life story. Future posts will not be this long!! Thank you for reading!
Life as a mother was beautiful. The only downfall, was me and her father would argue and did not see eye to eye on alot of things. I won't get to into detail, but we did splitt up in febuary 2008, a little less then a month prior to her birthday. Soon after (very soon after) I got back into a relationship with a good man that I have known since I was 8 (my first crush, at that!). We were soon married, were I got a new title as not only a wife, but an army wife. Soon after that, I was pregnant again, and gave birth to ANOTHER diva, Aubrey. I started struggling with Gizelle. She wasn't listening. I got tired of it, having a mother tuition that something isn't adding up. I took her to the pediatrician, we scheduled a hearing test. She failed. Not only did she fail, not only did they tell me that it wasn't a simple fix'er upper like some water in her ear. She was deaf. DEAF. Not even hard of hearing, she is Severe-Proufoundly deaf in both ears. Really? Her father and I cried. Heartbroken. Why? Why us? I am usually the type that says "don't dwell in the issue, just realize it is an issue, and fix it and move on" but this was my child. My disabled child. Disabled? She is able to do anything she wants. 10 fingers and toes, running, coloring, playing, breathing. What the heck??
I cried. I just had a baby is January. Now my oldest daughter is disabled. I was waiting for Ashton Kutcher to pop out and tell me I was getting Punk'd. I was waiting to hear God in a full belly chuckle telling me he had a sense of humor and was just kidding. I was waiting on.. anything. Never happened. I dont think I left the house for 2 months. I only left for doctor appointments. I was at home. Crying. Talking to my husband, Shawn. Talking to Gizelle's father, G. I blamed myself. It wasn't my fault.
Every test that could be done, was done. Blood tests? Yup, it isn't genetic. MRI's? Yup, her head is okay. EKGs? Yup, she was all fine and dandy. Hearing Aides. WOW. I remember those. The noise of "feedback" made my skin crawl. They told me she could probably BARELY hear with them. So now what? Two new words changed my life. Cochlear Implant. What is this thing? The pulled out this tiny suitcase. They opened it. It looked like a hearing aide with a tail and circle. "Oh, the circle is a magnet, the other magnet will be placed inside of her head, and will make what goes into the the microphone stimulate her nerves and tell the brain what she is hearing is SOUND". Mind=Blown. I thought, My kid is going to be like a refridgerator. A magnet? This is all super high tech stuff! It's going to make her hear? I'm in. The whole family was in. We were all scared, and nervous, but, we were in. Adventure = BEGUN. sedated for MRIs, Catscans, this test, that test, she was 2. I have never been sedated in my life. My kid was sedated 4 times in a year. I felt bad, but I was always being told it will all be better in the end.
November 17th, 2009. FINALLY. After the 8 months of preperation, surgery day arrived. G and I. In a room. Waiting. Crying. Talking. Worrying. Scared. Hugging our baby girl. I remember taking her back to the surgery area. They let me walk her back, tears flowing & all. I layed her down on the table. Signed "Mommy loves you". The doctors starting singing their ABC's to her. I got a little mad. "She Can't Hear". How many times have I said THAT in my life? Way too many to count. I just didn't think I would have to say it to surgeons that were about to perform surgery on my kid, surgery that WILL make her hear? I was confused, but it did make me stop crying for a little bit. Hours, and hours, and hours later, they said we could go see her. It wasn't the first time I seen her all limp and what seemed like lifeless. This time was different. This time she had bandages wrapped around her head. I could smell the anesthesia on her. I wanted to hug her. I wanted to pick her up. I knew it would be best if we just let her be, and wake up on her own.
After she woke up, we took her home. A month later, my baby heard for the first time. I cried. I think we all did. She did okay with hearing. There was months she HATED her Cochlear Implant. There was weeks she LOVED it. Wore it 12+ hours a day. Here I am. A year and half after Cochlear Implant activation. What have I learned? The C.I. isn't all I dreamt it up to be. It is an AMAZING peice of technology. I have seen lots of kids with them on, speaking in sentences. I never seen a kid struggle with it like Gizelle. I couldn't tell you the last time I put it on her. I ask her all the time if she wants it. She never says yes. She is 4 now. She knows she is different. She knows she is deaf. She knows mommy and alot of other people speak with thier mouths. This doesn't make her sad. She knows her C.I. makes noise, she has heard me speak. She knows what it does. She Does Not Want It. If I had a nickle for everytime somebody said "If it was my child, I would make her wear it" I would be rich. You cannot, CAN NOT, make a child wear a C.I.. They can pull it right off. They can be a real booger and not only take it off, but close their eyes, like "haha I can't hear you OR see you signing now!". Gizelle did this PLENTY of times.
Was it a waste of surgery? Not at all. I know what it was like to be a teenager, I was one when I had her! When Gizelle is old enough, she will never be able to tell me "why didn't you get me the cochlear implant so I could hear?" Because I did. I tried. I gave it my best damn shot too. She isn't happy hearing. I want a happy child. I want her to love being herself. She isn't herself when she wears it. The most she ever said was "ma-ma" and it was more of a babble then anything. I was happy, but I felt like I forced her into it. She can do whatever you want her to do with it on as far as the "hear the sound, throw the block in a basket"game. She even did fairly well with all the "ling-sound games". As soon as we walked out of therapy, the C.I. was off and she would give it right to me. I couldn't take it anymore.
As of now, she wears it when she wants to in school, never at home. Next year she will be in a ASL Only classroom. I am happy. I love my kid. No matter what. I am not going to quit on her. She is my crazy psycho little Gizelley Belly. She is my Deaf Diva. Don't like it? Your input isn't necessary. If you don't have anything nice to say, then keep your mouth shut. I am doing what I know is best for my kids.
I totally typed her whole life story. Future posts will not be this long!! Thank you for reading!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)