peekaboo! here I am!

Yess I haven't posted in 9 days. First, there was a big confusion with a good friend of mine and she ended up in jail. After that got figured out, I had to have her back because I consider her family. We got that figured out, for the most part. soon after that, Thursday, Shawn started saying he had a sore throat. I figured it was allergies and tried to get him rested and on some meds. Friday he was sucking down cough drops all day at work and went from a little sick to totally not right. Saturdat it was even worse, he couldn't open his mouth to speak, couldn't eat, couldn't do much of anything except take medicine and sleep. Shawn NEVER gets sick.. EVER. So this was a huge deal.

He stayed home on Easter and just slept while I went to my Aunts and spent time with the family, and Gizelle went with her Wely & Welo to a party. When we got home all he wanted to do was sleep more. I didn't know what else to do. I was up till 4 am with stress and insomnia. Shawn woke up in the middle of the night and went to the other bedroom so he could stretch out. I felt so bad. I went back to sleep, and woke up to him nudging me in tears. it was 8 am. Well hello there final straw.

Off I went, texting anybody who might be awake to drive us to the hospital because there was no way in hell I was going to let him drive like that. Good old Brittany, thankfully she has been staying at her dads right up the street and she is an early bird. She knows that Shawn doesn't cry and is never ill and never complains, so the fact that he is all three at once was declared an emergency. Off the the VA Hospital we went. A few hours in, the figured out the issue. Like I had suspected there was a bad infection, and to my suprise, there was a huge abcest growing on his tonsil. They drained it, 4 cc's of pus. Yum. 

Oh, did I mention that this was our 3 year anniversary? Yea, spent the whole day of our anniversary in there. We made plans that he would take me to get my tattoo on our special day, but that was the last thing on my mind, apparently the first thing on his. Like a soldier, he declared our plan a "mission". and Like a soldier, this mission wasn't over. He started telling me that he wants me to go get it done and for Brittany to be my rent-a-husband. I declined, but when he actual started crying, pretty much begging me to go, I considered. The nurse over heard everything and told me that he would be sleeping the majority of his stay and for me to not feel bad going to do anything I had to do. FINE. I will go get tattood. I think I understood his point After they said he was being admitted. I was just sitting there and I couldn't make him better. Poor Brittany was just sitting in the waiting room. She was thrilled to be my rent-a-husband. Off we went.

Isn't it beautiful? Its the Phillies Phanatic, pretty much the same one that is on the carton of Batter Up ice cream by turkey hill, except for WAY more detailed. I must say, if you are local and you want a tattoo, go to Sinktheink.net and check them out because they are AWESOME! When we got back to the hospital afterwards, he was just getting to his room. In fact, admissions told us what room he was in and we got there before he did! He stayed the night and the swelling went down and he is okay. Not 100% back to normal but he is getting there.

I think that sums it all up for now.  Friday, April 29th is my birthday! I cant wait to sit next to my love and watch the phillies play in some amazing seats. Look forward to pics of that!!!

xoxo - Katie

Hippity Hoo Blaaah

Just another weekend.. Yesterday I spent the majority of the day alone with the girls at home. We cuddles on the couch on a rainy Saturday and watched lots of Disney movies. Aubrey and I played on the doodle board. She mastered spelling out her name at age 1, but I wanted to go a little bit further with it. I would write her name and we would go over what each letter sounded like. She did great. We moved on to mommy, and daddy, and drum. She was playing with her toy drum a little bit before, so it was fitting. I love that Aubrey is so hungry for knowledge and enjoys education. She did so good, and she always makes me proud. I thought, I never did this with Gizelle. I mean, I know she can't sound out letters, but like I said before, to Gizelle her name isn't Gizelle. It's her sign name which is a G in ASL tapped on her cheek. So, since the deaf diva was getting jealous, I thought what the hell lets give it a shot.

I wrote her name she looked at it, looked at me, signed a G then did her sign name. She hasn't totally mastered her alphabet, but she knows a good bit of it. She eventually signed the rest of the letters, and I was proud of her. She has been playing alot of games on NickJr.com and she really likes the ABC games. I must say, though my kids are completely different, they are both beautiful and brilliant. And they both are artist in their own way. Aubrey likes to sing, dance, and play toy instruments (she has been begging for a guitar). Gizelle is fantastic with paper and pen or markers or whatever, even the doodle pad. The doodle pad is a curse and a blessing. It's not messy and is an easy clean up, but if she makes a mistake, shes mad because she has to erase her art.

Pretty good, huh?  She is excellent at drawing facial expressions. the slanted eyebrows and squiggle mouth of a mad face, she makes sure the eyes are bigger then the tears in her crying face. I love her. I think art is so important. I had a huge mirror that I found on craigslist that was from somebodys dresser. We used to sit with washable markers and draw everything we could think of, and she loved using wipes to clean up her mess.

Luckily, I have Shawn here all day today. Yesterday he had to help out a close family friend for the day. Today, he is all ours on this lazy Sunday. I decided that we are going to walk in the March of Dimes, or the March for Babies. I haven't had a preemie baby, infact Gizelle was right on time, and Aubrey almost a week late. I still want to do this. It was hard picking a team name. Every body has names like Adams Angels and things like that. I was half tempted to make mine Just Because. Shawn said we should call ourselves Team Super Cool. I actually considered it. I have never done a walk before, so I just pictured us being called for something "Could Team Super Cool please approach this area?" Yea, so that was out of the question. I came up with "Big Steps for Little Toes". Not really for anybody inparticular, but still for the babies. Perfect.

I don't really like to promote myself. Not me, not my blog, not anything. But if for some reason you want to donate money to our team, Here is our teams link. I told Aubrey she can pick the amount she wants to donate in her name. She declined to 20. I said, 15, she said No even more so like now I am being cheap. I said then how much? She said, 28. so 28$ it is for her. Silly little girls.

Maybe I will write more later, as for now, I am going to hang out with mi familia.

xoxo - Katie

By the way, Thank you all for reading, as always. I see so many page views, but only 7 followers =( If you read the blog regularly, don't forget to follow so I can see who you people are. I appreciate all the views either way! 

Good Days Make Good Blogs =)

Today was a little backwards for my  girls. Usually, Gizelle is the pain in the butt and Aubrey is the angel. They must have had a mental plot against me today. Aubrey and I slept in today which was nice. We came downstairs and colored. She came to me with a green marker and said " I want to color the Phanatic" So I started a google journey to find coloring pages of the Phillies Phanatic. I printed out 2 because I still love to color. Even though she came to me with the right color marker for the job, she decided to color him pink, which I total support because I am all for thinking outside of the box. Shortly after, she takes off her diaper and says she has to pee pee. I already had the potty set up for her, but sometime between those time frames, she took out the pot and put the lid on, so after applauding her for taking another step into big girl world, I realized she actually peed into the hole and soaked the carpet. Never the less, she did sit on the potty and peed so I couldn't be mad.

How does she take her next big girl step? She taked all the markers out into the hallway and sits on the bottom step, takes all the lids off, and colors the hallway green and brown. Aubrey was introduced to time out. She is not a fan. She told me she is so so sorry and promised to never do it again, and accepted the "no coloring for the rest of the day" punishment. Even when she is in trouble, she still talks like such an adult.

Gizelle comes home and is such an angel *insert death by shock here*. I was extremely pleased to read that she had a great day at school, and that the teachers came to an agreement. Gizelle is currently in a half ASL class and a half hearing class since she is a cochlear implant user. She doesn't wear it at all so she actually doesn't benefit from it at all. We have been talking about getting her switched, but since it is so far into the school year it might be too overwhelming for her. The teachers decided that once a week Gizelle will spend her morning in the strictly ASL class where I think she will do amazing. And as a bonus, a nice lady name Melissa will be coming into her class twice a week and she will be spending one-on-one time with Gizelle and working on her ASL which she is already mastering.

Gizelle impressed me today with her signing. The disney princesses, we know as Belle, Aurora/Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, etc, and not as easy to explain to a deaf child. This is where "name signs" come in. To Gizelle, her own name is not Gizelle. It is a "G" in ASL tapped on her cheek, since she has chubby cheeks. So when I asked her who the princesses were, well, I recorded her response.

She said Ariel was "fish", Jasmine was "hat/tiara", Cinderella was "shoes", Belle was "book" and of course Aurora was "sleep". Gizelle always impresses me with her signs/expressions. Ever since I can remember, she has memorized movies, action by action. Before I even knew she was deaf, we had the intro dance to the Backyardigans down pat. Now, shes like a ninja with her eyes! She doesn't miss anything. I love her so much.

She went to sleep early, thank goodness. Shawn decided to take Aubrey to bed, and the dogs followed. I am up with no noise other then TV. This is a rare moment in mommy-dom for me! I am going to continue enjoying my peace now.

I hope everybody has a lovely weekend!!

Oh by the way, I am over 300 views now! This honestly makes me very happy! I see alot of blogs do contests and things of that nature. I would love to do something like that, but I would not have the slightest idea what to do. I mean, I don't really have a make up blog, I don't make or sell anything, hmm.. I guess I will think more into it. I am open to any ideas. Feel free to comment or email me if you have any suggestions.

xoxo - Katie

 KDiamond215@gmail.com

Quick Note. [ DEF FAMILIA ]

Gizelle and I walked in the Fashion Show at her school a few weeks ago, and unfortunately we did not get to stay for the whole thing. I remember hearing the school was selling Def Familia shirts, and I just thought some of the students made some type of group. If I had known ahead of time I wasn't going to stay for the whole show, then I would have bought some shirts and actually found out who Def Familia was.

( Picture taken from their facebook page here )

Today, I was just thinking about a bunch of stuff. For some reason, Def Familia ran through my mind. Google here I come. Def Familia, is a group from New Jersey that makes music and has a goal of uniting the deaf and hearing worlds. They are amazing. I wish I would have stayed to see them perform. You can look them up at www.deffamilia.com Honestly, I looked them up on youtube, and the first video I watched just had me with my jaw dropped. here it is.

 I just wanted to give them the mention that they deserve. If you just read a little about them and watch a few of their videos, maybe you will feel the same. I hope they don't stop doing what they do, I doubt they will.  If they happen to read this, then much love and I am honestly impressed and am so glad to see somebody doing this. I can't wait for Gizelle to get home from school so I can show her the video. I don't know why, but I always get hype when I find videos or things in ASL and Gizelle just looks at me like "I don't care leave me alone". I could imagine being in the room with say, a chinese person, and everytime the chinese person found a video in english they were like LOOK LOOK LOOK. I guess I just don't think it through sometimes. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy my find, and Def Mafia, I hope to see more awesome posts/videos from you guys so you can be re-mentioned here at Mother Of A Deaf Diva.

xoxo- Katie

Suprise! No .. Not really.. [.s.m.h.]

Uggh. So.. Last night, wsa pretty calm and great. I updated my phone and lost all my numbers, which means I had lost Gizelles fathers contact number, which means it wasn't on my block list. I am not trying to shield him out of Gizelles life, just mine. I am done with the crap, the threats, the fact that I have to break Gizelles heart every time he doesn't follow thru with his word. Life has been alot less stressful since I blocked him to be honest. Now, he calls. And I answer. He says Hello??? I hang up. He calls again, and leaves a voicemail. I mean clearly he's upset, but because of the episode that happened last weekend, so is everybody. (see blog title "drama in paradise" for info)

He left some random words, "you right, im mad too. I know your mad, don't put Gizelle in the middle of it" etc.. Gizelle isn't in the middle of anything. This is our battle. Gizelle still picks up her play phone and says she is talking to daddy and I smile and tell her daddy loves you & tell him I said Hi. Now, if I was putting Gizelle on the middle and being a terrible parent I would have threw her phone and told her that Daddy is all gone and tell him bye or something. But no. Gizelle loves her father, as he does her. I would never destroy their bond. It's beautiful. I just need to figure out how I am going about things right now. I word that is on my mind. Custody. I have been back and forth with this word for the past 2 years. Now I am almost positive this is what needs to be done. I do not.. not not not not want child support. I know everybody says she is his child so he should support her, but I do not want or need his money.

All I want is for him to be her father, or to not be her father. I don't want it to be a back and forth she only sees him once a month or whatever. Its not like any other kid. She just can't say I miss my dad, can I call him? She just can't explain how she feels about things. She just can't say exactly what is on her mind. All she can do, is know she's mad and kick and scream. She can know she is happy and smile and act crazy. She knows she is sad and she pucks her lip out and cries. Our situation is far far different then any other.

He has no idea of any thoughts I have on this, so if you are reading this, now you do. If you find out through whoever, then so be it. You would have found out anyway. He called me again. Telling me if he finds out I am trying to keep Gizelle away from him, then he will.. we will just say do very very seriously terrible things to me. And.. he left on my voicemail and gave me permission to use it against him in court. Hmm, apparently I am not the only one think about legal actions.  Kind of relieving, but why would you say much horrible things and give me permission to use it in court? Weird huh?

He called a bunch of times last night, ALL night at that. He even had the audacity to call my mothers cell phone at midnight. I told Shawn, after talking about everything because it has been stressful on all of us, that I can keep ignoring him, but I give it a week and he will be knocking at the door. Sure enough, he knocked on the door around noon, asking to talk. I declined, and tried to explain to him that I am done with everything and that if, for some reason, something happens and I need to contact him then I will. He told me he will stop calling me. Deal. I think ? My mind is on overload with all of this. I really don't feel like dealing with the court, and fees, and lawyers, and all that. I don't feel like dealing with his threats, his ignorance, his mouth and attitude. I guess you can't have your cake and it it too.

Insanity.. I know.. once again, I hope this blog doesn't bite me in the butt.

xoxo- Katie

Oh the madness =)

SO.. Yesterday went okay. Gizelle got to spend a few hours at her Wely & Welo's with her cousins. I love for her to spend as much time with those cousins because she doesn't get to see them as often as alot of her other cousins. We came home and relaxed. I suddenly remembered, crap.. Gizelle's Spring Fling performance is bright and early in the morning!! You would have thought I was psycho trying to rush everybody to bed the way I did. Aubrey likes to sleep till 10 in the morning (which I TOTALLY don't mind sometimes) so I really needed to get her to bed ASAP! She ended up passing out around 11:30 pm, and I of course had to battle my insomnia like it was a war. Am I the only one that when I have something really important to do the next day I end up waking up every few hours and checking the clock? Maybe I am just crazy.

I woke up for good around 6:30 in the morning, Shawn was long gone for work. I tried to creep out of the room and not wake up anybody. I did Gizelles hair, put hair bows in that matched her outfit, as if she would have had any part of that otherwise. Of course, the diva STILL needed to find a way to fit her tiara over her hair bows. This, was the end result.

Uh yeah.. sure Gizelle.. Nobody can ever was you were a boring child, and Unique would be way to mild of a word to describe her. She looks mad because we were arguing about why she cant wear dress shoes because its raining. After she was off to school. I went to go sneak upstairs so I could get ready. To my surprise, "MOMMY YOUR BACK!" was the first thing I heard. Aubrey? I was shocked she was not just awake, but SO awake! She was so excited to get ready. The girls love when I do my make up (I am addicted, I confess) and occassionally I but a little bit of a natural color of eyeshadow on them. Aubrey got a little bit of light brown, barely noticable, but she knew it was there and was excited.  She, too, needed hair bows.

She was sneezy because of the wind. But, she did love her bus ride. She is always excited to go to school, even if its Gizelles. Gizelle performed, she struggled a little bit at first, but she ended with her and the two other girls in her class making a triangle using all 3 of their bodies.

Blurry, of course, because I was in the back and only had a camera phone, but you can tell which one she is. We actually stayed for each classrooms performance because Aubrey was so into all the new songs and signs. I went to take her to get her diaper changed, and in the middle of doing that she decides to belt out the "Colors of the Rainbow" song from Signing Time. I heard a few giggles in the hallway and knew she had a secret audiance.

She was excited to go to the store. I was too, after I seen they had umbrella strollers for 16 bucks. I tried looking for a new one at a few stores. I think Target's cheapest one was like $35! I was dissapointed, because I love Target. Atleast the kid has a stroller now. Living in Philly with all these hills, me not driving, and 2 girls under 5? Yea, we need one of those..

And the grand finale of the day (so far..It's still early.. ya know.. ) We come in and let Tessa out of the crate. Not only did she apparently poop in it, but it looked like she rolled around in it like a pig. Well, I gave her a bath and it wasn't as hard as I had thought. Now I just need to bleach the tub and buy new washcloths. But hey, It beats having a poopy dog running around.

And yet, the day is far from over. Oh crap, what am I cooking for dinner?

.. My brain never rests.

xoxo - Katie

Out and About [busy.busy.busy]

Yesterday was a good day! I didn't write last night because I just had the alot of my mind and I needed to spend some time with my bed. I am guilty of not taking Aubrey to go get her toy for going on the potty yet, but I keep telling her that if you go pee pee on the potty you get presents, and she is atleast putting in the effort by sitting on the potty.

It was nice having Shawn off for a day. We went food shopping, then came home. I love getting Gizelle off the bus when the dogs are sitting at the front door watching thru the glass. They are her big protectors. My mom said the other day she went to put her on the bus, and she had Tessa out with her, and Tessa decided to get on the bus and just smell it out then got off. Weirdo dogs.

I started getting the girls ready for a busy day. Aubrey decides to wear this adorable jean-colored skirt that Aunt Maureen bought her, and an orange tank top. I had an idea for her her hair. It all started the night before, I got her out of the tub and was brushing her hair, and wanted to play with it. Aubrey could care less.

I thought it was pretty cute. They aren't tight. Oh, and that ice cream she is eating, is DELICIOUS. I love coldstone's cake batter ice cream, BUT Breyers & the Phillies combined and made this delcions ice cream called Batter Up which I am now addicted to. Anyway. I ded Aubreys hair, and Gizelle.. uggh.. Gizelle decides she wants to wear her shirt and skirt she wore to school, plus her headband, plus a tiara, plus 1 little tiny plastic hair clip, AND a light weight jacket, dress shoes and socks, and sunglasses. Plus her purse stocked with 2 different lipglosses, some nail polish, her disney princess perfume Aunt Brittany bought her (which smells like cotton candy and I steal some sometimes), and whatever else she could fit. Keep in mind, it was 83 degrees here yesterday. We were off to the park where there is a playground and my nephew Justin was playing baseball. I wore jeans and a shirt and I was hot. Gizelle didn't fight me when I asked her to take her coat off, but she didn't trust me with her purse. She carried this thing up every piece of gym equiptment, down every slide, etc.

My friend Laura and her son Damien were there and it was nice seeing her. I miss having talks with adults. It was a little funny, because 5+ years ago, me, her, and a whole lot of other people would sit exactly where we were sitting that day, for hours and days being teenagers and hanging out. If somebody would have told me then that now at this moment I would be sitting her chasing around my 2 beautiful kids with my husband, I probably would have laughed in your face. It is funny how things turn out.

After the long playground adventure, and Justins team winning (yay!), we had little to no time to waste. We had to jump in the car, drop my mom off, then go to Gizelles school for a meeting about planning for the ASDC conference in June. I have never left Aubrey with anybody that wasnt shawn or I, My mom, or Shawns mom and their household. The school provides babysitters for alot of stuff like this. People looked at me like I was crazy when I pep talked Aubrey. I told her "Now Boog, alot of the kids you are going to play with are like Gizelle and can't hear so we need to use Sign Language with them." We went over the important ones "Please", "Thank you" and "Sorry". I deemed her ready to run with the big dogs. I knew she wasn't just going to walk off with strangers, so I told them I would walk her the the playground they have on premisis and we will see how it goes. I told her, Mommy and Daddy will be right upstairs so if you want to come up just tell the big girls you want mommy or daddy. She said okay, and that she wanted to walk. I put her down, and she took off chasing the babysitter down the hall. She opened the door and Aubrey let out a quiet byeee and took off. *tear, tear*

She went thru the whole meeting from 6-7:45 without any trouble. The school is very good were if she would have even scraped her knee they would have ran up and told me. I was very impressed, and very proud. Some of the babysitters asked me what her name was and told me how perfect and adorable that she is. See it's not just me! Haha. At this point, I think we were all pretty beat. I decided that before we make our last stop we should drop the girls off at home with my mom since the could really use some down time. We had to go to Shawns mom and "have a talk with the boys" aka, Shawns nephews, Tony & Malachi, did something bad and since my husband is the greatest man since sliced bread (self procclaimed, lol) and thier dads are either rarely around and/or not great examples at all. Shawn is the main male role model in their lives, and it makes me proud.

 The boys recently had the privilage of getting a brand new PS3, and we even bought them a paddle because it only comes with 1. Tony, 13, decided to curse out his mother and say and do alot of very uneccessary things that made alot of people upset with him. I was pretty dissapointed. I know that he has been wanting a PS3 for awhile. me and Shawn even made a deal with him. If he goes to school every day and pulls his grades back up, which he can do the work he just says its boring so he doesn't do it, and chooses not to go to school. The deal, was that if he can do that, and stop being mean to his brother, then we will buy him a PS3. Withing 2 weeks he blew it, and gave his mom a hard time and didn't go to school. And now, a few months later, his mom bought him one, and after what happened, she called us saying she is going to sell it. I told Shawn we are going to buy it. We already have one, but we can have one for upstairs and downstairs, and the boys can know its safe. Maybe if they know that we have it, and if they want it back bad enough, they will stop misbehaving.

It was a long long day, and I was just ready to go to bed. Today, well.. I'll just write more later. =)

xoxo- Katie



Princesses, Race Cars, and the Potty [where art thou, Shawn]

So After I blogged yesterday , a few awesome things happened! Those of you who read this or just know my kids, know that Gizelle is the biggest snot-head sometimes. She hates sharing, she hates taking turns, everything is hers, and she will fight to prove her point. Gizelle, who was snooping throught bags, found her fairy dress that I bought her to wear when we strutted our stuff in the fashion show at her school. She automatically wanted to wear it, of course. I put it on her, Aubrey starts asking "wheres my dress?" Aubrey was never into dress up, so she doesn't have any. I swear, sometimes Gizelle can hear, either that or she secretly mastered reading lips. Gizelle runs away, and comes back with the princess Tiana dress that her Wely & Welo (her fathers parents)bought her, and she didn't even wear it yet. She SHARES the dress with her sister, HELPS her put it on, GIVES her the magic wand that matches,  and even FINDS her a Tiara to wear! NO WAY!!! They played, so nice, and were so good. Made Mommy proud =) Here is a picture of the love bugs.

Tell that isn't adorable!! Oh, and Gizelle used a stamp to make her mouth blue so her lips could match her dress. They are sharing they dresses and playing nicely again right now as I type! So, I think in order for them to play nicely, I must dress them up as princesses and fairys and such. Note taken!

After all the cute-sy stuff, Aubrey of course decides to run around naked. I was so wrapped up in downloading and reading all this crap so I can upgrade my android version since I was stuck in the land of 1.5. Aubrey made a noise, I look over and see this small little trickle of pee running down her leg. "NO!! Aubrey your supposed to pee-pee on the potty!" The potty was literally right in front of her. AND We made a deal, when she decides to go pee-pee on the potty, we will go to the store and buy her Baby All Gone. She has been begging for it. So, I flip up the potty lid and see there is 2 of the "bippity boppity boo" mouses in there from cinderella. I hurry and grab them out and my hand is in a liquid, and its warm. First thought, "whatever she needs to hurry up and go pee".. Second thought " SHE ALREADY DID!!"

Yes. on 4/9/2011, Aubrey Lorraine went on the potty all by herself. I grabbed her and swung her in a huge circle, cheering her and congratulating her. Her response?? "I don't want Baby All Gone" Really? Come on, I knew she didn't do it for free. "I want a guitar" HAHAHA I thought, Daddy is going to love this one. Of course, next thing she said was that she wanted to talk to him.

 She calls Daddy.. I lover her conversations "Hi Daddy! I miss you. I went pee pee on the potty, and I don't want baby all gone, I want a guitar. The phillies won, woohooo! I'm a princess. I love you. See ya tomorrow! Sweet Dreams!" We decided, we will take her to toys r us and let her get what she wants.

Now I am just counting down to when Shawn walks thru the door. I can't decide what I love more, The excitement I feel when the door "jingles" before it opens, or the kids faces (and the dogs) when they realize he's home. He doesn't care if he is in ACU's or not, he will sit and get all the hugs Aubrey and Gizelle have to offer, then sit on the couch and get all the kisses Monty can give. Sometimes I think Monty misses him more then I do!

 I love it. I love that he is drowned in love when he walks in. I love my husband. I love my family. Yea, it gets crazy, but I cherish every moment.

xoxo - Katie

"Mommy, I'm mad at the Phillies" [philly.pride]

Today was good (it IS only 3:30 though). Last night, we learned that the government reached an agreement, and there will not be a government shutdown. Great! This morning, we started the day calm. Just the girls and I, and of course the dogs. We started watching cartoons. Gizelle was very into her little dress up princess dolls today. It was nice having her focused and busy, and quiet. I checked to see what time the game came on. 1:10, good, it left the kids with another 45 minutes of TV time, then game on.

I told Aubrey, since she was the only one watching TV, that it's time to say bye bye to cartoons because the Phillies were coming on. Her first reacton was "LETS GO PHILLIES WOOOOHOOO!" Then I changed to channel. I tried to get her to cheer again, she stomped her foot and gave me an ugly look. "Mommy, I'm MAD." "What's wrong Boog?" Boog is a name I gave her when she was an infant.. I called her my Booga Bear. "Mommy, I'm mad at the Phillies" I said "Are you mad at the Phillies, or are you mad because I turned off the cartoons?" She smiled and said "The Phillies are going to win" Thats my girl! haha

Right before the game started, I remembered I bought some temporary tattoo's. I only cut one, because Aubrey told me she didn't love the Phillies. I told her only Phillies Fans can have them. Gizelle gets excited as soon as she sees them. To say Phillies in Sign Language, you just sign a "P" on your chest, like how it says Phillies on their uniforms. Anyway, here is the tattoo that she is very proud to sport today.

Gotta love her zebra print pants! The game is still on (10-2 Phillies, bottom on the 9th), but I am multitasking since the munchkins are occupied by freeze pops and my cell phone game. I wish Shawn was here. I know he will be back tomorrow, but every time he's away over night, it kind of messes with the kids routine. Aubrey was really upset last night. She walked to me with her head down and her lip pucked out. "I miss daddy." And it wasn't her usual 'I miss daddy' it was as if she really needed him at that moment. I called him, not even sure if he would answer. Luckily, he did. Aubrey LOVES talking on the phone. "HI DAD! I LOVE YOU. AND I MISS YOU. IM GOING TO SLEEP ON YOUR PILLOW. THE PHILLIES LOST. I'LL SEE YA SOON. SWEET DREAMS!"

At least tonight, Aubrey can say we won today!

xoxo - Katie





Government Shutdown; Army Wife Meltdown

Okay, I was having a good day. Then I got really into all this Government Shutdown, dare I say, Bullcrap. As an Army Wife, a proud one at that, of course, you would assume I am not smiling.

All it took was a few words to set me off. Military Pay Freeze. ARE YOU SERIOUS? My husband didn't join the army because of a pay check, let me say that first. He just happens to have always loved history, and also happens to love where he lives. He loves it so much, he decided to sign his life into a contract that could actually cost him his life. Is there many that would do the same?

Somebody spoke on my status earlier, stating last time they checked, the Military was volunteer. Yes, correct. Nobody is holding a gun to your head and telling you to join. But, if the BRAVE souls that have joined the military would have never joined, people would be drafted. Thank GOD people like my husband, and my best friend, who is a woman, serve this country proudly. If not, people that didn't give a rats ass might be drafted, people that couldn't care less even. And then what? They could have "not cared" in combat, and could to plenty more harm then good. THANK YOU SERVICE MEMBERS FOR DOING ALL THAT YOU DO. AND ALSO, THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOUR FAMILIES.

Now, These brave BRAVE B-R-A-V-E men & women protect us. They fight for us. They are the reason why I have the freedom to speak freely on this blog. They are the reason random stranger can stand in front of them in uniform and tell them how terrible they are. Do they not deserve to get paid? How dare you, congress. Yea, I said it. Why doesn't Mr. Barack Obama freeze his pay? It's not like he has to pay a mortgage. He doesn't have to worry about a late utility bill. Don't get me wrong, it isn't just Obama, he has all of congress with him too. As a matter of fact, freeze their pay too. Our troops actually train, go to classes, leave their families, risk their lives, to defend this country. Why take their pay away and keep paying those who just keep causing us all more economic hardships? It's really sad.

It's as if Obama catchy little "YES We Can!" turned into "Uhmm I thought we could." Meanwhile, crazy old Donald Trump, that rich rich man, is being pretty awesome. I must say, I first learned about him considering running for president while watching him get roasted on comedy central. I thought it was hilarious. Now, Mr. Trump has this big investigation, paying SO many people to investigate our Mr. President Obama, to show his birth certificate because he is trying to prove that he wasn't born here. NOW, if I was Mr. Obama, I would call up Donald, and tell him to come over for some ice cream and show him my birth certificate. Why is it so secret? It's actually kind of creepy. We don't even know if he was born here. I am honestly weirded out still because a long time ago somebody pointed out to me how Barack sounds like Iraq, and Obama sounds like Osama. Did somebody make a whoopsie and allow some freak to run this country? Makes me wonder.

Anyway.. I was watching NBC news. They had a countdown in the corner on the screen. It reminded me of New Years, only you don't know if there is anything to celebrate. How come children must learn to compromise, and the people learning this country can't even do it? What has this world come to? I think I heard earlier on the news that the congressmen will be affected by the shutdown by losing there dry cleaning service, their dining hall privilages, and their gym privilages. REALLY? How what a shame, you can't use your dining hall, atleast you have food to eat. What about us families that are already stuggling, how are we suppose to feed our children? Oh what a shame, you can't use your free dry cleaning, we always had to pay for it, so grow up, atleast your still getting a check. Oh WHAT A SHAME... You can not use your gym. What does my husband always say? PT IS FREE. My husband jokingly said he is going to show up in front of the white house and tell them to come out, this is your gym. I must say, my husband and I sure know how to make a bad situation a little bit lighter.

If I happen to have more to right later, I am sure I will, I will be back blogger... oh I WILL be BACK.

xoxo - PROUD ARMY WIFE.

Oh Happy Day [phillies.bows.&.phillies bows!]

So.. When I woke up, judging by the first half hour, I swore my day was going to be yet another bad day. I found out a friend of mine, who I have known since atleast 3rd grade, passed away on Monday. It's now Friday, and all the services already were over by the time I found out. A few other minor things happened that kind of ticked me off, but I got over them.. no big deal.

I was a little.. moody. I heard a thump at the door, at wasn't sure what it was. Did somebody mail me a brick? It wasn't the mail yet, BUT .. it was a delivery! My best friend, (and also cousin-in-law) was talking to me about how her and her daughter (I call her my niece) Lorraine aka LaLa, will be walking in the breast cancer walk. Since I have recently been buying my girls custom hair bows, I decided I will buy LaLa a breast cancer awareness bow for her to wear for the walk! Well, That bow came today! HERE it is!

 Tell me that is not adorable!? I found this one on Etsy.com the link for the woman who makes them is http://www.etsy.com/shop/Luv2CraftDesigns. This is the only bow I ever bought from her, but I can't lie, it is beautful. I can't wait to get a picture of her wearing it!

The other package I got, I can't talk about, because it is a suprise for somebody that may read this. All I can say is.. It's going to awesome and I will try to remember to take pictures of the lucky person who is getting it. Hint- it's big, and edible. Haha

Another AWESOME thing I was notified about, is the girls Phillies bows were almost done! The very crafty Kendra over at Princesses And Punks Boutique (facebook to the shop) shared a picture of them with me! Here it is!

AND those are just pre-bling! She is going to add some extras to make them even more beautiful! She is an amazing military wife herself, with a beautiful little daughter that makes a perfect bow-model! The bow - news alone really brightened my day. But wait - There's more! I feel like I am on a game show!

Yup. Phillies tickets! ON my Birthday! Yippeeeeee!! I am excited! How perfect that my brithday is on a Friday too. I feel a heck of a lot better. =) I just wanted to post all my happy news while I am still cheery, ya know around here, something drastic could happen at the drop of a hat.

So, Rest in Peace Stephen Pastella, and also MyaRose Harris.

I hope everybody has an amazing day/weekend !

xoxo- Katie

Where's My Stinkin' Rainbow? [stuck in a storm]

You know how they say after the storm comes the rainbow? I would like the weatherman to please give me my forecast so I will have a round about idea when this storm will be over. I know, I am stressed because of everything going on. I can handle a light shower, I even actually enjoy dancing in the rain. Thunder is okay, but once the lightening comes.. and the storm doesn't look like it will end soon, it gets really frustrating. By the way, I am not actually talking about the weather for those of you who didn't catch on.

Gizelle, once again, pushy-shoving-not sharing day at school, as she has been having all week. I accidently caused Aubrey to get punched in the eye by the dog and she has a scratch on her eyelid. Gizelle has her stank-butt attitude turned all the way up. I let her play on nickjr.com games, and Aubrey wanted to sit on my lap and watch TV. Aubrey didn't reach for the computer, let alone even look at it. Gizelle tells me to put her somewhere else, she tries to cover up Blue on the Blues Clues dress up game. She's such a booger sometimes, lately it seems like more days then other.

This was all just an hour or two after Gizelle cam home from school. Gizelle picked a different game to play. When she plays on the computer, I always put it on mute. Mostly because she can't hear it anyway and I don't want the sounds to distract Aubrey, but also because I can hear, and I like to understand how difficult it is for her. Sometimes she asks for help on things that are so simple, games she has played 1000 times, and I just tell her she plays and I watch. She gets SO heated. I really want to get her behavior looked at. I really don't want some doctor to just push a perscription at me and tell me to shove drugs in my 4 year old.

I looked into couponing today. I really hate the sunday paper. I actually can't stand newpapers at all. The feel of them, the smell of them, how the kids and animals make a mess out of them. I really don't feel like paying, what is it, like $1.50 for a newspaper once a week just for coupons. I looked into it and acutally seen that Red Plum, and Smart Source (coupon providers for the paper) have websites that you can e-clip coupons and print them. I found websites that I can match up where to get the best deals, and match up what stores have what my coupon in for already on sale so on some occassions I can get things for free.

The main reason why I want to do this, is for when Shawn deploys. I want to send care packages as often as possible. Not just for him, but for everybody he is stationed with. I want to provide them with everything they need. Shawn doesn't doubt me that I can do this, and he says it's perfect for me, since I am such a mother hen sometimes. I like to look at this situation that way. I want to provide and take care of my little chick (yes, I called my husband a little chick) and all his nest-mates, until they are ready to fly. And by fly, I mean come the hell home and be back with there families, safely, not a scratch on them.

I sent Gizelle to bed without dinner. I feel bad doing it, but honestly, the kid is denying anything I make. If it doesn't come in a Papa John's square box, or it isn't what the princess requested, she doesn't want it. Sometimes she tells me she wants something (hotdogs today) and I make them, and she changes her mind. I cannot STAND being wasteful. Once again, I am at loss of communication to explain to her that they are children starving right now and she should be grateful. I can't tell her that Shawn works hard to provide for us, and that it's like a slap in the face so be wasteful like that. It drives me bananas. I told her, you eat, or go to bed. She marched herself, cinderella dress, heels, tiara, and all, upstairs. I told her I was mad at her, and I cooked that for her, and I was sad. I really wish there was an easier way to deal with her.

Am I doing it wrong? I don't think so. I mean, I could be. I keep telling myself, God gives you nothing you weren't built to handle. I still feel like God has a sense of humor and likes to full belly chuckle at me sometimes. Anywho, time to relax, with my chaotic house.. oops I mean, my darling family.

xoxo - Katie

Never Forget The Butterflies. [emotional.but.okay]

Well, yesterday did get better. We were all actually asleep by like 11:30. That never happens. This morning, was doomed from the start.

I remember Shawn leaping out of bed like a ninja. Then looking at the window and seeing sun. Oh no, he's late. Shawn literally had time to throw on his ACU's, run to the bathroom, then run out the door. Monty was so sad. Shawn always takes Monty out in the morning. Monty literally layed in front on the bedroom door with high hopes daddy was coming back for him. He heard the door close then he jumped on the bed and gave me the saddest most heart broken puppy face ever. Gizelle went off to school, the dogs were walked, Aubrey of course is like her momma and could sleep all day. She woke up around 10 am.

I actually ordered breakfast. Sad, I know. With Shawn working during the day, and me not driving, and me feeling so crappy lately, I haven't been the best food shopper.  Aubrey didn't mind! I was reminded that I need to stop up by brothers, which is always fun. I love my brother, and his wife, and my beautiful niece and nephews. Oh, and my dog-nephews too, Taz and Duke. Duke is actually Tessa's litter-mate, so it was very apropriate that my brother got the brother and I got the sister. That was actually the line I used to sucker Shawn into letting me get Tessa. Yea, I am a genius. Haha.

I text husband, to tell him we will need to make a pit stop later, and ask him about my tattoo idea. He informs me his grandfather passed away. Eek, bad timing about the the tattoo talk. His grandfather was a veteran. We actually talked about this a few weeks ago. Shawn was thinking about what his arrangements may be. Shawn is the type, that when he passes away (lalala dont wan't to think about it lalalala) he will want a service as military as possible. I told Shawn that if he feels that strongly, he should contact him grandmother, who I had the pleasure of meeting at her surprise 80th birthday party last year. I remember him telling me about the party. I thought "OH NO! You can't surprise an 80 year old!". Well, I learned that this woman is NOT your average 80 year old. She looks WAY younger then what she is. She plays the piano for her church, she is pretty amazing! I can only hope to look that great at that age.

Anywho, I told him to talk to her, to see what their wishes were. Maybe they didn't want a military style service? I know my grandfather, also a veteran, had a some-what military funeral. No guns or anything like that, they did have the color guard and the flag folding deal. He never got the chance to talk to them about it. I let him no today after hearing the news, he should talk to his grandmom now, more then before. Shawn has all the right contacts to get ahold of the right people for his services. I hope they are all okay.

On a lighter note, I did the Imagination Movers "jump up, get down" dance a total of 10 times in a row with these crazy girls. Gizelle wanted to either hold my hands and do it with me, or budge Aubrey out of the spotlight aka directly infront of the TV. There was a minor fight 7:10 dances. So far, today has been pretty chill. I am planning on cooking up some steak and rice, or potatoes maybe, for dinner.

OH And the Phillies will be tonight. I hope it isn't as bad as a game it was last night. It was funny last night. One minute, Aubrey is yelling LETS GO PHILLIES! The next, she is telling me she isn't a phillies fans. I jokingly told her she needs to move out.. her reply? She hits my leg and yells OHHH COME ON! She is the cutest thing. I love her, and her little catch phrases.

Also, on a not so lighter note (a heavier note?),  I got a email notification that MyaRose Harris' blog was updated. I was a little shocked. MyaRose, was a beautiful little girl that was close friends with Gizelle last year in her classroom. She had cancer. I will never forget the "Parent Playgroup Meeting" at her school where her teacher, Amber, informed us all that Mya has been in the hospital for a week. I just got chills again, the same chills as that day. I remember looking at Sam, (Sophies mom, another one of Gizelles good friends) and we both cried.

I remember, Sam and I talking privately after the meeting that we should get the girls together and talke them to the hospital to see her, siince all three girls were pretty tight. Amber came over and told us, it might not be a good idea, and Mya is in really bad shape. I think the next day, There was a knock at my door. I wasn't really expecting anyone. To my surprise, it was Amber. Amber, with tears flooding her eyes. I instantly bawled. You just kind of know, ya know? A few days after that, I seen the littlest casket I ever seen in my life. I cried as soon as I seen it. How couldn't you? Knowing there was a small child, a baby even, 2 years old in there. Friday will be a year since she passed away. This little girl has effected my life, more then anyone will ever understand. I still have a picture of Amber with Gizelle and MyaRose from PumpkinFest at PSD. I think I want to get a balloon, and let Gizelle draw a happy face or something on it, and tell her its for Mya. She still knows her sign name. She tells me she was sick.

 There was a very small get together at the school last year for her. The school got a butterfly bench in her memory. My family, and Sophie's family were the only families there, plus some staff. One of Mya's teachers told a story where a butterfly was flying around at recess the one day and she said something like "Mya, is that you?" and the butterly came back around. A few minutes later, Gizelle and Sophie, clueless as to why we were all there in the first place, were running around and playing, and a butterfly came and starting playing with them. It was beautiful. It was the rainbow after the storm. I will never forget that day.

In hopes that Today stays pretty mellow, I am going to go and start dinner and play with the girls and wait for my husband to come home. I have a feeling I am going to give him a pretty big hug. He deserves it.

xoxo - Katie

Heres the picture I was talking about.

Mommy and the terrible horrible no good very bad day [self explanitory]

I woke up today, and all I wanted was to be with my family. I wanted to cuddle up with the girls, and watch toy story 3, or beverly hills chihuahua. I wanted to hang out with Shawn and talk about whatever is on our minds. Of course, Gizelle was in school, Shawn was at work, and Aubrey was at Shawns mothers house. Bummer.

Not too long after I woke up, I had a killer stomach ache. I ended up with my blanket, curled up on the couch, watching random TV shows. Gizelle was home by 3, and her communication book said she had an okay today, minus some pushing and not sharing. Figures. She came in, and threw a fit because I didn't take her shoes off fast enough, didn't get her cup fast enough, and she tried to get her coat of and the zipper got stuck. She curled up under my blanket and watched Diego on netflix.

My mom pulled out a bag from the birthday party and forgot to put it back before she came home. Gizelle pulls out her polly pocket toys. Polly Pocket to me just means frustration. She loves to play with them, but the rubber clothes and little pieces, uggh. She can't just say Mommy I need help. I don't mean in english, I mean is ASL or anything. She refuses to ask for help. EVER. She thinks its easier to break out in a complete meltdown until somebody runs to her rescue. Frustration. Of course, one of Polly Pockets tiny black heels were missing, and that itself was no like, a 45 minute fight.

I told her she lost them, and if she didn't stop crying I would throw them in the trash. Which, of course, made things worse. She eventually got so upset she put them away. FINE. I thought maybe I could just let her pick something else to watch on netflix. She calmed down for a little bit. Then her princess purse, heels, and dress were missing. Another melt down. I asked her if she wanted some oodles of noodles. She told me no. I made myself a bowl, then she wanted some. Duhh, I knew I should have boiled more water. She ate it, then decided it was time to torture the dogs.

I got to hand it to the dogs. I have a 3 yr old pitbull/lab mix, and a 4 month old pittbull/american bulldog mix. Gizelle jumps on them. Beats them. Throws stuff at them. Kisses them. Bites them. It never ends. She loves them, but she just doesn't understand why I put her on time out when she bites them. The dogs have never even nipped at her. She usually favors Tessa (the 4 month old) to bite and pull her tail, but today she decided to bite Monty (the 3 yr old baby). I bit her back. Of course not hard. She got pissed off at me and tried to go to sleep.

She ended up sitting up and just screaming. I thought that I could give her back her Nitendo DS and she could play that. Oh wait, she lost her stylus or whatever the pen things are called, because she doesn't take care of her stuff. I tried to show her she can use the tip of her finger, but she wasn't getting it. Instead, she decides to get more mad, and try shutting her hand in her DS. I grabbed it off her, angry, because mommy has had enough of the Diva attitude today. I told her she's all done with her game, all done with her toys, all done with everything. I told her to stop throwing, stop biting, stop shoving, stop being mad. I told her she made me sad. Her reply is to shove as many fingers as she can in her mouth, and just make noises while crying her eyes out. I asked her to come sit next to me, like I usually do after I give her a little bit to think about what she did. She usually comes right over, I re-explain, and I make her apoligize and send her on her way to do whatever it is she wants to do. But no, today is just a rough day for the both of us I guess.

After she finally comes over, I hear "MOMMY!" I didn't even hear Shawn and Aubrey come in because I was so irritated. Now I have everybody I wanted to cuddle with and spend time with home, but now I just want to take a break. I'm not a big drinker, but this is one of those "I could really use a drink" moments. Now everytime Gizelle does anything and I just try to correct her, not even with a mean face, she gets really sad. I can't win. It's only 6:30, so I there is some hope that the day makes a turn around. Oh whoops, I haven't even put thought into dinner. I think it's so funny that when Shawn comes in the door, everybody is an angel. Tessa is sleeping in my lap, Gizelle is quietly happily playing (with her sisters new toys she walked in with, go figure), Aubrey is watching Bubble Guppies, and Monty is showing Daddy how much he missed him. And I still sit here a little bothered by how crappy the day has gone.

Maybe if things get better, I will make a short post (hahaha short post.. yea right) later. as of now my "smiley face" is this =[ and not this =) ..

xoxo Katie

Drama in Paradise [hates philly cops.hates gangsters.loves my family]

This entry is going to be very.. very.. hard to write. I need to choose my words very wisely. I am not even sure I should be writing this. But this is my blog, about my life, and I need to release my emotions so on with it.

If you read my blog entry last time, then this one starts where the last when left off. Still pissed, still emotional.. still.. uggh.

So Gizelles dad was supposed to come get her Saturday morning. He called me and asked if I could drop her off which was no big deal at all. Not too long after that.. he asks me if I can drop her off at like 9pm. It was noon. 9pm is almost her bed time. NO G just get her another time. When he hears to word NO, it's as if a little demon is born in his brain. G does not take kindly to people trying to tell him what to do, or what he can and can't have/do. After a few not nice words from him, I told him that he is pathetic and the most unreliable person I know. He translated what I said into "your a low life and you don't love your daughter enough".

He called me around 5pm, and said he dropped everything he was doing, he didn't even go food shopping, but he said he has money to buy her food, and that I can drop her off whenever I am ready. I decided, despite his attitude, I know that I can take her there, and I now don't have to worry about breaking Gizelles heart. Off we went. We get there, and he begins to tell me how "nutty" I am. How much of a "b*tch" I am. I am sorry, but if me trying to be a responsible parent and save my daughter heartache makes me a "nutty b*tch" then so be it.

Shawn and I headed home, I was slightly irritated but not enough to ruin my mood. I was considering going out. I deserved a break right? For one reason or another, the people that I wanted to go out with got caught up in doing other stuff, and I stayed home and hung out with my lovely husband. I stayed up late, and planned a whole day for me and Shawn to escape.

The plan was that we were going to wake up, and I was going to type our destination into tomtom(the GPS) and Shawn is just going to drive to the surprise. I wanted to take him to this place I found called Sofuso. Shofuso is a Japanese house and garden, it reflects Japenese culture, and just looks beautiful. It has a koi pond, and is just something you never see living in Philadelphia. Thats what I want. That is what I have been craving. Something "out of the norm". It is very rare that me and Shawn actually have "alone" time. So we try to take full advantage of every moment that we get.

After going to Shofuso, the plan was to take him to Geno's Steaks. Sure Shofuso seems very peaceful and beautiful, but after all, this is Philly, and we love cheesesteaks. Shawn has never been to Geno's OR Pat's! Time to take care of that. I sent shawn a text message in the wee hours and told him I have an adventure planned out today, and to wake me up when he gets up. I could probably sleep through the winter if I could. Maybe I was a bear in my past life.

In the morning, I see he is excited and curious. I think thats why I love planning surprise adventures for us so much, just the excitement of him dying to know what were doing, and the fact that I know, and that I dont drive so he literally has to follow the GPS and drive himself right into a surprise. It's almost like me and tomtom are sidekicks!

As soon as I started getting ready, I heard something. It sounded like the start of something big crumbling. But what? What could crumble? Oh wait, my plans. RING RING. "Gizelle has been asking for you all morning and she wants to come home, can you come get her?"... BOOM.. there we go, plans have officially hit the ground, hard. I told him I had some thing to do, but I would pick her up a little bit later. tick tick tick EXPLODE. G starts screaming at me, "how come I have to drop everything I am doing when you say so, but when I want you to pick her up you can't" Sigh. It was so hard not to fire back with one of my witty comebacks, but I knew it was pointless. He doesn't understand. Imagine if I called him everytime Gizelle asked for her dad, and demanded he come haul her away at that second? All I wanted was to have adult time. To be around anybody that doesn't call me Mommy.

That's when things took a turn for the worse. G told me.. "when you come get, watch what happens to you, and yea thats a threat". This, is not the first time that he has said hurtful things to me. Not the first time he has threatened me. But it WOULD be the last time I stood for his disrepectfulness. He hung up on me. My gears were going.

My decision was to call the police district closest to his house, explain the situation, and take it from there. They told me, that I should go to where my daughter was, and wait a block away from his house, then call 911 for a "domestic call". Then wait for a cop to come escort me to pick up my daughter. Sounds good, up until you realize that your sitting in a hot car on a corner waiting for the police for 20 minutes. It would have been easier to order a pizza.

My phone rang, it was G's moms number. She only lives right around the corner from where G is staying. It was G. I was worried, then I remembered he had no idea I was on my way, or about my plan. I told him I would be on my way soon, and he said that when I get there were going to f**king talk, and that since I will be on my way, he will go wait at the house. We hung up, and I disregarded the urge to flip out on the phone because I knew the cops were supposed to be on thier way.

It dawned on me; If he is going to his house, he is going to walk right past our hiding parking spot and blow our cover while we wait for the cops. I had my eyes peeled, and I seen him. Shawn was going to drive around the corner and go back to our spot and wait. Halfway around the block, his mom called me extremely upset. The only words I could make out were "G and Sam (her husbands, G's step father) almost got into a fight in front of Gizelle". I just went from irritated to infuriated. Sadly, it isn't the first time he has faught, or almost faught somebody with my daughter around.

NEW PLAN - Go to his moms, calm her down, get the story straight, re-call 911, tell them to meet me at her house. That, we did. Waited.. for another HOUR. I called 911 back every 20 minutes. The cops come. Everything I said, there reply was mmmm okkkayy? Way to make me feel like I am wasting your time police department. Oh, and they told me he didn't threaten me. I mean, I guess he didn't say "when you get here I am going to break your nose" or "stomp your toes" or something detailed. But come on police, this is PHILLY. If somebody is going to shoot somebody, they are more then likely not going to say "I am going to shoot my gun at you". I think that "When you get here, watch what happens to you" is a concern, especially if the person himself self "and yea thats a THREAT". Maybe I just dont fully get it. Anyway. They "escort" me to get her, I go there, of course he flips out about the cops, he curses me out, and they don't do anything. He puts her in the car, and walks right past to cops, and yells my name. I look, and he does that fingers-to-eye thing like "I am watching you". I felt like I was in Meet The Fockers. Oh, the cop saw that too, and said nothing, he literally shrugged his shoulders.

That's all I can say for now. I am just.. totally over this. I don't want to be one of the people like "baby mama drama" or something. I just .. am lost for now. Lost in the sauce. Drowning in my own thoughts. I am so used to being told about "support systems" with Gizelle's deafness. I wonder if there is a support system for young married mothers on 2 kids, 1 of which is deaf, that is an army wife but the oldest childs father is a wannabe gangster? naah I didn't think so...

 UGGGGGGGGGGGH
xoxo- Katie

OH WHAT THE $#&@!!! [stressed.annoyed.yet hopeful!]

It is one of those days. THOSE DAYS. Where you feel like while you were asleep, the WHOLE world was up plotting on making your day as bad as humanly possible. Am I making things worse then what they are? Maybe, but I am annoyed so I have a right, right? ANYWAY..

Yesterday was the parent teacher staff basket ball in which Gizelles dad signed up for. We were all excited for it, He was pumped to play basketball and be apart of Gizelles school activities. Sadly, I was up ALL night the night before with a mixture of insomnia and a tooth ache that felt like Satan himself gave birth the a baby inside of my gum. I was in tears telling Aubrey how important it is to always take care of your teeth. G called me in the morning, asking me about the game. I told him if my tooth doesn't get better (it felt better then it did the night before, but it still hurt badly), then I might not go. He said if I don't go and bring Gizelle, that he doesn't want to play if she won't be there. I can kind of understand that. Plus his ASL isn't as good as mine (mine is far from perfect still).

He told me he would call me back later in the day from somebody's phone since he doesn't have one any more and see if we were going. Around 1 in the afternoon, my mouth was back to normal. HOORAY! Basketball game here we come. Tina from Gizelle's school calls to see if we were coming. I told her yes, I was waiting to G to call me, and I would be bringing stuff for the bake sale. I didn't bake because with a toothache, the cupcakes I planned on making was FAR from my mind. I didn't want to think about anything that had to do with sugar, or chewing at all for that matter.

A few hours later, I called a number he could usually be reached at, and was told this person was at work and when she got home she would tell G immediately to get going to the game. I sat in hopes he would call so I could make sure. Time passed, and his girlfriend got in touch with me again, to tell me she has to work late and has no way to get in contact with him. UGGGH! Now what do I do? I have 2 big boxes of goodies for the bake sale, Gizelle is pumped to see her daddy, and I am just emotional at this point. We didn't go. I felt really bad.  He called me after the game started and said he had no way to call me and he thought with my toothache I wasn't going to make it to the game. We all felt bad about it.

He said he would get her tomorrow to make up for it. This morning he said with his car not working, that he would need us to drop her off, and that I would need to give him time since he had to use public transportation to take care of everything that he needed to. I totally can understand that. I don't drive, but Shawn does, so I know how much of a pain in the butt it is. Later on, he asks if I can drop her off around 9 tonight. I kind of got irritated. I feel really bad that I have to be the one to try to explain to my child that she can't see daddy when she thinks she is, especially when I don't know how to explain it with ASL to where she could understand it. It really breaks my heart.

Don't get me wrong, Gizelles dad LOVES her. He tries to take her every chance he can. But It is just hard. It is hard with the communication between a young hearing mother of a 4 yr old deaf child that wants to be with her dad that is not with her mom. How do you explain that? My situation is hard enough to explain to a hearing person let alone a deaf child!  He only gets to take her maybe once a month. With Gizelle, it's not like I could call up anybody, or even hire a babysitter. She is deaf. Nothing is "that simple" with her. I made plans to go out, since both kids have babysitters (so far), and I felt like not only did the "drop her off at 9" deal let Gizelle down, but it let me down too. I only go out maybe once every other month. I have very little interaction with people that don't call me mommy. The hope that I am going to escape the dungeon makes me so happy. I just felt like somebody put my happiness on a dart board and got a bullseye.

I don't mean to sound mean, or hurt anybodys feelings, especially Gizelles dad, but I am a parent all the time. 24/7, 365. I don't get to say "I can't be a parent till 9 sorry". I just get bothered by that. Like I said, I know he loves her. He is a good dad. I just wish she spent more time with her, for ALL of our sanity's! Mommy needs a break! I hate when I get like this. Where I feel like if I don't make a break that I am just going slide down this hill of emotional madness.

PHEW. I vented. It really does feel better.

AND on the bright side, all the time it took to type this, it is closer to the time I am supposed to drop off a certain crazy 4 year old. Now I can do my laundry, get a shower, get all doll'd up (which is also a HUGE mood booster) and try to hold it all together! See? HAHA BAD DAY, I LAUGH IN YOUR FACE! I take the bull by the horns and don't even realize I am doing it.

Hope my venting story doesn't come back to bite me in my tooshie (did I just say tooshie? I really need to be with adults.)

Happy Weekend Readers !!

xoxo Katie