Uggh. So.. Last night, wsa pretty calm and great. I updated my phone and lost all my numbers, which means I had lost Gizelles fathers contact number, which means it wasn't on my block list. I am not trying to shield him out of Gizelles life, just mine. I am done with the crap, the threats, the fact that I have to break Gizelles heart every time he doesn't follow thru with his word. Life has been alot less stressful since I blocked him to be honest. Now, he calls. And I answer. He says Hello??? I hang up. He calls again, and leaves a voicemail. I mean clearly he's upset, but because of the episode that happened last weekend, so is everybody. (see blog title "drama in paradise" for info)
He left some random words, "you right, im mad too. I know your mad, don't put Gizelle in the middle of it" etc.. Gizelle isn't in the middle of anything. This is our battle. Gizelle still picks up her play phone and says she is talking to daddy and I smile and tell her daddy loves you & tell him I said Hi. Now, if I was putting Gizelle on the middle and being a terrible parent I would have threw her phone and told her that Daddy is all gone and tell him bye or something. But no. Gizelle loves her father, as he does her. I would never destroy their bond. It's beautiful. I just need to figure out how I am going about things right now. I word that is on my mind. Custody. I have been back and forth with this word for the past 2 years. Now I am almost positive this is what needs to be done. I do not.. not not not not want child support. I know everybody says she is his child so he should support her, but I do not want or need his money.
All I want is for him to be her father, or to not be her father. I don't want it to be a back and forth she only sees him once a month or whatever. Its not like any other kid. She just can't say I miss my dad, can I call him? She just can't explain how she feels about things. She just can't say exactly what is on her mind. All she can do, is know she's mad and kick and scream. She can know she is happy and smile and act crazy. She knows she is sad and she pucks her lip out and cries. Our situation is far far different then any other.
He has no idea of any thoughts I have on this, so if you are reading this, now you do. If you find out through whoever, then so be it. You would have found out anyway. He called me again. Telling me if he finds out I am trying to keep Gizelle away from him, then he will.. we will just say do very very seriously terrible things to me. And.. he left on my voicemail and gave me permission to use it against him in court. Hmm, apparently I am not the only one think about legal actions. Kind of relieving, but why would you say much horrible things and give me permission to use it in court? Weird huh?
He called a bunch of times last night, ALL night at that. He even had the audacity to call my mothers cell phone at midnight. I told Shawn, after talking about everything because it has been stressful on all of us, that I can keep ignoring him, but I give it a week and he will be knocking at the door. Sure enough, he knocked on the door around noon, asking to talk. I declined, and tried to explain to him that I am done with everything and that if, for some reason, something happens and I need to contact him then I will. He told me he will stop calling me. Deal. I think ? My mind is on overload with all of this. I really don't feel like dealing with the court, and fees, and lawyers, and all that. I don't feel like dealing with his threats, his ignorance, his mouth and attitude. I guess you can't have your cake and it it too.
Insanity.. I know.. once again, I hope this blog doesn't bite me in the butt.
xoxo- Katie
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