It is one of those days. THOSE DAYS. Where you feel like while you were asleep, the WHOLE world was up plotting on making your day as bad as humanly possible. Am I making things worse then what they are? Maybe, but I am annoyed so I have a right, right? ANYWAY..
Yesterday was the parent teacher staff basket ball in which Gizelles dad signed up for. We were all excited for it, He was pumped to play basketball and be apart of Gizelles school activities. Sadly, I was up ALL night the night before with a mixture of insomnia and a tooth ache that felt like Satan himself gave birth the a baby inside of my gum. I was in tears telling Aubrey how important it is to always take care of your teeth. G called me in the morning, asking me about the game. I told him if my tooth doesn't get better (it felt better then it did the night before, but it still hurt badly), then I might not go. He said if I don't go and bring Gizelle, that he doesn't want to play if she won't be there. I can kind of understand that. Plus his ASL isn't as good as mine (mine is far from perfect still).
He told me he would call me back later in the day from somebody's phone since he doesn't have one any more and see if we were going. Around 1 in the afternoon, my mouth was back to normal. HOORAY! Basketball game here we come. Tina from Gizelle's school calls to see if we were coming. I told her yes, I was waiting to G to call me, and I would be bringing stuff for the bake sale. I didn't bake because with a toothache, the cupcakes I planned on making was FAR from my mind. I didn't want to think about anything that had to do with sugar, or chewing at all for that matter.
A few hours later, I called a number he could usually be reached at, and was told this person was at work and when she got home she would tell G immediately to get going to the game. I sat in hopes he would call so I could make sure. Time passed, and his girlfriend got in touch with me again, to tell me she has to work late and has no way to get in contact with him. UGGGH! Now what do I do? I have 2 big boxes of goodies for the bake sale, Gizelle is pumped to see her daddy, and I am just emotional at this point. We didn't go. I felt really bad. He called me after the game started and said he had no way to call me and he thought with my toothache I wasn't going to make it to the game. We all felt bad about it.
He said he would get her tomorrow to make up for it. This morning he said with his car not working, that he would need us to drop her off, and that I would need to give him time since he had to use public transportation to take care of everything that he needed to. I totally can understand that. I don't drive, but Shawn does, so I know how much of a pain in the butt it is. Later on, he asks if I can drop her off around 9 tonight. I kind of got irritated. I feel really bad that I have to be the one to try to explain to my child that she can't see daddy when she thinks she is, especially when I don't know how to explain it with ASL to where she could understand it. It really breaks my heart.
Don't get me wrong, Gizelles dad LOVES her. He tries to take her every chance he can. But It is just hard. It is hard with the communication between a young hearing mother of a 4 yr old deaf child that wants to be with her dad that is not with her mom. How do you explain that? My situation is hard enough to explain to a hearing person let alone a deaf child! He only gets to take her maybe once a month. With Gizelle, it's not like I could call up anybody, or even hire a babysitter. She is deaf. Nothing is "that simple" with her. I made plans to go out, since both kids have babysitters (so far), and I felt like not only did the "drop her off at 9" deal let Gizelle down, but it let me down too. I only go out maybe once every other month. I have very little interaction with people that don't call me mommy. The hope that I am going to escape the dungeon makes me so happy. I just felt like somebody put my happiness on a dart board and got a bullseye.
I don't mean to sound mean, or hurt anybodys feelings, especially Gizelles dad, but I am a parent all the time. 24/7, 365. I don't get to say "I can't be a parent till 9 sorry". I just get bothered by that. Like I said, I know he loves her. He is a good dad. I just wish she spent more time with her, for ALL of our sanity's! Mommy needs a break! I hate when I get like this. Where I feel like if I don't make a break that I am just going slide down this hill of emotional madness.
PHEW. I vented. It really does feel better.
AND on the bright side, all the time it took to type this, it is closer to the time I am supposed to drop off a certain crazy 4 year old. Now I can do my laundry, get a shower, get all doll'd up (which is also a HUGE mood booster) and try to hold it all together! See? HAHA BAD DAY, I LAUGH IN YOUR FACE! I take the bull by the horns and don't even realize I am doing it.
Hope my venting story doesn't come back to bite me in my tooshie (did I just say tooshie? I really need to be with adults.)
Happy Weekend Readers !!
xoxo Katie
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